Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
