I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
