trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
