I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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