just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
