The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
should my penis look like a turkey
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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