Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
