she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
