OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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