Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
