we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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