This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
