Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
