Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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