i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
