Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
