i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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