The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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