I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
