I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
