Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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