last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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