why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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