So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
