Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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