the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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