If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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