i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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