it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
