dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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