There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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