i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
