My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
