I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
