All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
