I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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