my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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