this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
