you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
