I think my fart just growled at me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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