So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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