can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
