Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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