Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we made out on top of his cat.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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