Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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