My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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