Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
