I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
