you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
