I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
