Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
