I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize