But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
