why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
