Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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