i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
