All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
