she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
