I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize