This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
