so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
