he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
