i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
