gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
