my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
