She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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