my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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