when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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