Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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